Parenting – Bump 2 Bab[y]ies

Tribute to Us

Published on July 15, 2019July 15, 2019 by onesource4wellness2 Comments

“A baby’s born in the middle of the night in a local delivery room. They grab his feet, smack him ’til he cries he goes home the next afternoon. ‘Fore you know it he’s off to school and then he graduates in May; Goes out and gets a PHD and then cures all sorts of things; Wins a Nobel prize and saves a million different lives; The world’s a better place for all he’s done. It’s funny when you think about the reason he’s alive; Is all because two people fell in love….There ain’t nothin’ not affected when two hearts get connected. All that is, will be, or ever was. Every single choice we make, Every breath we get to take is all because two people fell in love.”

This last month, Frank and I celebrated a dozen years of marriage. Our anniversary sneaks up on us every year and this year I asked myself why. I concluded that it is because over time our marriage is becoming a lower priority. It is of course not our intention but is simply a product of our attention going in 5+ other directions and not taking the time and effort to build into each other and our relationship.

This year, I felt the neglect of our nurturing more than in years passed and felt the need to lean in, take a chance, and find out if he felt it, too. Turns out, we both were observing the same thing…months without a date and a child-free conversation. Yes, we still engage in dialog, “I love you’s,” and good night smooches but it has all become routine. More evidence of where our relationship is on our radar is this very blog, which is void of discussion on the marriage where these five miracles find their origin. Therefore, this post is a Tribute to Us because the happily ever after that we live each day is all because two people fell in love.

We like to say there was chemistry in chemistry back in Mrs. Peterson’s lab in 2002. Seated in alphabetical order, our paths were destined to cross. While Frank’s eyes first glanced upon my test answers before me, I didn’t hold it against him. It would’ve been easy to write him off as a cheater but instead this baseball stud and amateur rock star tugged at my heart strings.

Somehow we both got out of that situation with a stern talking to from our teacher versus a failing grade. While I wouldn’t necessary describe us as “high school sweet hearts,” I gave my heart away to him our sophomore year and it made its home in our- at the time- feeble relationship, which ebbed and flowed until my senior year of high school when we made a commitment to each other that I know today will last a lifetime. The trials and tribulations didn’t stop after the magical period of infatuation. Life dealt us our fair share of hardships, but no gale has been too much to capsize our ship. Looking back, I believe these difficulties and dark times prepared us for one of the hardest tasks we have ever encountered together- parenting.

Today, we remain committed and have recently renewed this commitment to “us” because we know this is a promise to a better future for our children and our family. And, one day when our house is too quiet for comfort and the chaos has subsided we will not look across the table to see a stranger but, a best friend.

Strategies that we have found and are finding can help sustain a stressed marriage are not hard to come by. A quick google search will serve up too many to peruse but here are ours:

Make a commitment to your marriage and outline what that means.
Support each other- the other person’s identity- and what is important to them.
Identify and call-out habits and routines that may be slowly pull you and your spouse apart.
Share habits and routines that keep you together.
Identify your love language and actively seek to “speak” your spouse’s language.
Redefine what a date is.
Be brave and willing to take a risk on behalf of your relationship. See something, say something [in kindness].
Let your marriage be a testament to I Corinthians 13 and live our Romans chapter 12.

I end with the words of these two letters from St. Paul, “Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Be devoted to one another in love. Honor one another above yourselves. Never be lacking in zeal, but keep your spiritual fervor, serving the Lord. Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. Share with the Lord’s people who are in need. Practice hospitality.

Bless those who persecute you; bless and do not curse. Rejoice with those who rejoice; mourn with those who mourn. Live in harmony with one another. Do not be proud but be willing to associate with people of low position. Do not be conceited.

Do not repay anyone evil for evil. Be careful to do what is right in the eyes of everyone. If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone. Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: ‘It is mine to avenge; I will repay,’ says the Lord. On the contrary: ‘If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him something to drink. In doing this, you will heap burning coals on his head.’ Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.” (Romans 12:9-21)

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.For now we see only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known. And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” (I Corinthians 13: 4-13)

Abundant Love

Published on May 10, 2018May 10, 2018 by onesource4wellness1 Comment

On the doorstep of Mother’s Day, I am in my typical reflective state. Memories are overflowing in my mind; the laughter, the joy, the growth but also the tears, the tantrums, the opportunities for future learning and development. I have ruminating on the behavioral difficulties in the present stage of life and was having trouble pin-pointing a cause until yesterday. I attended a local strategic thinking summit related to poverty, hunger and health education and the leader mentioned that the root of the issues is the scarcity mentality. Something clicked in my brain and now I believe this is also at the root of the issues in our household.

What is the Scarcity Mentality?

Psychology Today published an article on the mental implications of scarcity; The author investigates what happens to our minds and how does this impact our behaviors when we feel we have too little and concludes that scarcity establishes a playground for envy. In a big household, where the sibs share everything- including the same birthday- it is easy to see why there may be an innate drive to be the “fittest” and a natural urgency to collect, store, indulge, and remain in the proverbial spotlight.

We made and make efforts to allow each of the V5 to be an individual; while this is good and was founded in good intention, I believe it may provide fodder for the rivalry. For example, each quint basically has their own brand… Lily loves green, is the biggest fan of the Paw Patrol by far and is known for her collection of horses whereas Ellie is the family’s “cat lady” and has not lived a day in her life in any color except for pink. Again, I believe this is good, it provides a source for identity but has it also promoted a sense of scarcity? Are there limited favorite colors, animals, favorite hobbies, etc? I’m uncertain on how they view this but am also curious if they perceive a scarcity of Daddy’s attention, special time with Mom and warm and fuzzy snuggles with Nana.

In my study on scarcity, I also learned that it can propel individuals to action. When there is abundant time then there is no urgency to learn, explore and achieve. So, how do we preserve the benefits of scarcity while encouraging an abundance mentality?

What is the Abundance Mentality?

Dr. Stephen Covey, author of the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, shares that the scarcity mentality is a “zero-sum paradigm” and that individuals who are rutted in this mindset have a difficult time sharing both recognition and power whereas the “Abundance Mentality” is a product of personal security. This alternative mentality is the paradigm of plenty with enough to share. This security permits the sharing of self and resources to benefit the greater whole, the team, the family.

Every parent who knows love – agape love (Psalm 86:15; John 3:16) – knows that it can be given and received infinitely to a child; it is unconditional. Love is a universal language which surpasses our understanding. A mother’s love starts long before conception and truly never ends. I believe it originates when one is a little girl and she finds joy in taking care of another. I want my children to know this at the core of their beings. Mommy will always love them.

How can we foster Abundance?

Like other parents and caregivers, I want my children to know who they are, that they are loved and that there is enough of most things, whether it be what’s for dinner, toys, crayons, etc. to go around. How can we foster the abundance mentality in our homes so we can help our children to identify the appropriate time for competition and teach them to see win:win solutions? Leaders in this area suggest the following:

Model Appreciation. Say please and thank you and mean it. Demonstrate the value that we have in others for what they say and do.

Remind ourselves and others that there is more than enough. In the day and age of social media, comparing yourself to others is an epidemic but it can be stopped with a choice. We must stop the envy, the peeking at the “greener” grass next door, and embrace a culture of inclusion and attitude of gratitude.

Seek Opportunity with Optimism. Be the “glass is half full” person that people like to be around. Choose to see hardships as opportunities for progress, not unattainable perfection.

Be the Change. I love this quote made by Gandhi in years passed because of its truth. We need to give more of what we want. Our children are constantly watching and learning. We can foster gratitude and abundance by giving; giving our time, talents and treasures away.

In closing, I wish all of you mothers and blessed Mother’s Day filled with smiles, happy tears and memories that will last a lifetime.

Maker:S,Date:2017-10-12,Ver:6,Lens:Kan03,Act:Lar02,E-Y

Preschool Prom

Published on March 10, 2018 by onesource4wellness2 Comments

The V5 got to try out their Easter Best last night at their Preschool Prom!

The evening was spent enjoying dinner, dancing and a very long balloon animal line amidst lots of new friends.

Always looking to gain an inch, Ellie Rose on her Tippy Toes

The only way we could capture a group photo… put them in a box

Fall Fun

Published on November 9, 2017 by onesource4wellness1 Comment

The Autumn chill is here, the leaves have fallen and 2018 is nearly here! I’m uncertain if it’s because the kiddos are in school now but the weeks are passing by at great speed. I was determined to post about our fall fun before the first snow so, here we go!

This year for Halloween there was a unanimous vote that the V7 would become the Paw Patrol!

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There was no question about who would be who; all assumed their roles naturally:

Frank as Ryder, the Patrol’s fearless boy leader
Theo as Marshall, the kind-hearted fire dog
Bella as Chase, who always has her nose in someone else’s business
Lily as Everest, the playful snow pup
Kali as Tracker, this girl’s spirit animal is a hound
Ellie as Skye, because we can’t keep her from flying
Cassie as Katie, pet spa owner charged with keeping the pup’s squeaky clean

This was also the first year that the troop partook in the Halloween booty. Besides being determined to find more “trick or treating friends” than last year (see video below), our crew wanted to know all about this mysterious candy.

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So, at every house they had more than enough questions for our neighbors about their treats. It also was no surprise that they tried to rack up as much candy as their favorite colors. We needed to exercise caution due to Ellie’s allergies but found some new faves for her, too. I was very proud of how our children handled Halloween. Upon coming home with a heavy load, they each selected 7 pieces and enjoyed them over the next week before turning the rest in to our local dentist for a prize pack.

Then, November hit and hit hard and I’m certain we have been sick with 3 different viruses over the last 3 weeks. The latest is croup; all of the ladies have fallen and Theo is standing strong. We are pulling for his perfect attendance at school and hoping he stays well! Poor Ellie got the more rare spasmodic croup and had a short stent in the emergency department. Luckily, she has grown into one of our best communicators and directly informed me that she needed to go to the doctor. Her spasms resolved quickly after a nebulizer treatment and steroids, as well as, her first cherry popsicle.

Amidst the sick days, the girls miss school and all of their friends. The V5 have grown to love school and their teachers. Theo has also started to play with other boys at school, which is tremendously exciting for Mom and Dad. He was so proud to share that he played Super Heroes with another boy at school and got to be Batman!

Their faves of the season are writing their names and favorite words, doing arts and crafts with Nana, playing legos with Daddy and helping Mom in the kitchen. Our little sous chefs made sushi a few weeks back and Theo and Bella loved it; the others were less fond of the seaweed. Overall, they continue to be strong eaters and are beginning to grasp mindful eating. I’ll openly admit that this summer we battled with a period of sneaking food but once we invited them to start preparing and portioning their own plates this resolved. It was a great lesson for me to take back to the clinic.

A final fave that warrants a special call-out is karate. All are enjoying their instructors, the positive reinforcement and physical challenges that come with it. Lily and Theo are now both masters at Star Block 1 and Ellie is a high-kicking master. Kali and Bella are still growing into karate but share that they like the running and calisthenics.

Next up for the V7… school photos, parent teacher conferences and family photos!

Looking Back at Lillian Grace

Published on July 31, 2017July 30, 2017 by onesource4wellnessLeave a comment

Our sweet, sweet Lily Bug is a very kind soul. She continues to love to help; she assists with everything she’s able to including making meals, sweeping up, caring for our chickens and folding laundry. Her best stuffed friend remains her koala, Uti but she also has fond affections for her lion, frogs, and owls (her little hooty hoots).

Her other favorite past-times include using her strength to bull-doze the other quints and is quite the Lil-instigator. Our Lily Linebacker has a fierce Lily-lean. She also is our Y.O.L.O. and is one of the most daring, acquiring battle scars and bruises on a daily basis. When she’s not bruising, she’s snuggling

She has recently taken an interest in photography. She loves using my phone to snap pictures of objects around the house and has quite the artistic eye. I also will find 20+ pics of Uti on my phone if I’m not careful to put it away.

Now, let’s take a moment to look back at Lily’s last year…

Lily at three years…

Lily at two years…

If you really want to turn back the clock, check out Lily’s First Year…

Transitions…

Published on July 21, 2017July 20, 2017 by onesource4wellness3 Comments

You don’t have to tell me that change is hard. I have trouble eating something different for breakfast each day; I’m the queen of routine. The last few weeks have been especially difficult at home; So much so that we needed to put our heads together to figure out the reason for the increase in whining, tantrums, regression, and just plain cruel behavior. Once we started reflecting, we realized how many changes the kiddos have incurred in the last month. They have started to independently get dressed (picking out clothes to putting them on), wiping themselves, saying goodbye to Pull-ups at naps, starting swimming lessons at a new location, and the biggie- bidding Uncle JD farewell as he continuous his academic and professional journey in Chicago.

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What is it about change and transition that is so hard?

We are creatures of habit and change takes more energy, especially emotional and mental energy. Pediatric behavioral specialists believe the primary reason is because it requires that we stop something we enjoy and feels comfortable, in order to, do something very different that we need to do and may not want to do. Many of the negative consequences related to transition, even simply transitions like leaving the park or putting away a toy, require intense emotional management. Since strong emotions like anger, anxiety, frustration and sadness require practice to explore and manage; young children simply haven’t had the time or experiences to learn how to do it well. Our youngsters often look to us- their parents and caregivers- for tips on managing transitions; if we throw tantrums, they will, too. I often catch myself whining, complaining and throwing a pity-party from time-to-time and this negativity is as contagious as the common cold. I try to remind myself that like most things in life, prevention is the best medicine.

How can we help?

Create boundaries with freedom. We all know that people thrive in routine; perhaps because we have the comfort of predictability. I have found that if I set boundaries, create a structured schedule or routine and then grant freedoms within the structure, the kiddos flourish. For example, we eat and sleep at the same times every day but, what we do between these marker-activities is up to the children. Another example, we enjoy four different food groups at every meal: Protein, Grain/Starch, Vegetable and Fruit, but the V5 get to collectively- or individually- decide what we eat.

Prepare for change. We often give several countdowns to transition such as 15-minutes until clean-up time or 5 more minutes in the bath tub. If we’re at the park, they also always know that they get “one-more-thing” and after the last thing, we head to the car. These countdowns are more difficult with big changes, such as moves, starting school, surgeries, etc. From my perspective, you don’t want to start mentally preparing children too early where it can breed anxiety but also want to allow for adequate time to process. Any suggestions from our readers?

Transition Tunes. Life can be better as a musical. Certain activities lend themselves to a soundtrack such as cleaning up toys (clean-up song playlist); we love Daniel Tiger’s Clean, Pick-up, Put-away song. We also sing songs as we head upstairs for nap. We are always open to new tunes, so send them our way.

Visual Cues. It often amazes me how disoriented our children are to the days of the week. Nana B created a color chart for us which has a color for each day of the week. Each of the V5 has their own color and thus their own day. We try to celebrate each day by wearing the color of the day:

Lucky Lily Green Monday
Cool Blue Dude Tuesday
Purple Princess Bella Wednesday
Red Rosie Thursday
Orange-You-Glad-You’re-The-Only-Boy Friday
“Play-doh Rose” Pink Saturday
K-Mae Yellow Sunshine Sunday

It truly lends itself to a colorful wardrobe and the children have learned the days of the week. Frank also added little pictures of Nana, Uncle JD, himself and I to the chart so they would know who their primary caregiver was for the day. This was uber-helpful and cut-down on the number of questions each day.

Consistent Consequences. This is a difficult strategy for us. We have our go-to consequences based on our stoplight approach:

Green Light: you get a smiley at the end of the day. After three smileys, you get to pick from the prize bucket.
Yellow light: Verbal warning and a 2-minute time out
Red light: 2-minute time out and lose a toy

But, what happens when they earn several red lights? Or, the caregiver becomes so weary that they can’t keep up and thus be consistent. This is where we struggle. When the number of bad choices outweigh the good, it is tough to remain positive and thus reward the good choices with verbal praise, stickers, etc. I think this is when it’s necessary to let the little lights shine and truly make a big deal out of the good choices so, they can encourage more good choices but also fuel positivity so we all don’t become frowny brownies.

Catch Quality Zzzz’s. Quality, routine sleep is definitely good medicine for physical, mental and emotional health. Life can get in the way of adequate sleep but it is well worth shifting priorities to achieve it.

Quints 3.5

Published on January 26, 2017January 26, 2017 by onesource4wellness1 Comment

Quint 3.5 sounds like a new software program and is indeed a new reality. All in the Vanderwall-Turzy compound would agree that in the last few weeks the V5 have turned the corner. They have made great gains in not only their communication, personal insights, emotional intelligence but their physical aptitude.

Let’s take them one-by-one!

Communication

The V5 represent the spectrum when it comes to communication. When they are not imitating their favorite animals (A Roaring Dino, Hopping Bunny, Squeaking Mouse, Snorting Piggy, and Purring Kitty), they are conversing.

It is my understanding that there are several ways that families can do to promote solid communication skills and a vast vocabulary in their children. These include:

Have Grown-up Conversations with children
Giving them a chance to tell a story
Play Word Games
Listen to how they speak and correct with care. (This has caught on and now the kiddos correct each other with care; Namely Bella and Theo correcting Lily)
Imbed new words in an engaging story or activity

In our house, we celebrate a new letter each week and this provides a foundation for new poly-syllable words and new activities that start with that letter. For example, this week is “S” week so we…

Investigated the differences between sweet, sour and salty.
Allowed Theo to teach us all that he knows about the Solar System.
Explored the United States and who lives where.

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Personal Insights

We caught the nasty bug that swept and is sweeping through the Midwest. It appears to nestle into the respiratory tract and morph from virus to the next. This bug altered the kids’ appetites and taste buds for the first time in their young lives. I was blessed to have never had to handle a “picky eating” situation in my home until a few weeks ago. I quickly went to what I share with my families in clinic and I now know that I preach effective strategies such as modeling comfort discarding uneaten food, embracing their feelings/dislike in the moment but also demonstrating surprise and inviting them to choose and prepare the meal or snack. For example, Bella and Ellie were barely finishing any meals so; we would allow them to save the food they didn’t want/like for another meal or snack. When they determined they didn’t like the food, I would say that’s okay but that’s surprising because you really liked it yesterday; half of the time they would remember and finish their green beans. We also have been inviting them to plan and prepare meals with Mom; this has gone over really well.

I am so proud of these new insights and how they are becoming more aware of hunger and satiety cues. Now that they are feeling better, they will stop when they are sensing they have had enough versus stuffing it down like they had in the past.

Emotional Intelligence

What is EI? Emotional intelligence, or Emotional Quotient (EQ), is described as the individualized ability to recognize your own and other’s emotions and to discriminate between the various feeling while using emotion- and managed emotions- to guide thinking and behavior. Now, don’t get me wrong the kiddos are by no means little Dalai Lamas walking around, nor are they gurus in mindfulness, but I have seen great gains in their self-awareness in the last few weeks. They are accurately identifying their feelings and the feelings of others. If they perceive sadness or anger, they respond… usually with a hug. We are still developing skills to work through feelings like anger and anxiety. I’m fairly certain that these will forever be works in progress, or at least they are for me. The instant surges of fear and nervousness or even anger are treacherous waters to navigate for an adult, let alone a three year old.

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I have found that modeling healthy EI behaviors and providing a safe space for them to experiment and process their emotions are key. I have also witness the power of exercise and physical activity in emotional wellness. The V-sprouts are much more even-keel when they have moved. It reminds me of keeping a big dog- who loves to run- in a small apartment. If the owner doesn’t seek out opportunities for the dog to use its energy, it will start to cause trouble. It’s the same for my munchkins, if they have pent-up energy- or are bored- they will seek out trouble.

Physical Aptitude

When you are having multiples, especially high order multiples, the risks and warnings concerning physical disabilities and developmental delays are both numerous and alarming. Therefore, the way my children move will be forever a marker of God’s grace and their success in beating the odds. They all got their wheels (learned to walk) around 1 year of age and since then they have been off and running. I remember last summer being amazed at how they took on any and all playground equipment. Now, they’ve taken on water. We started swimming lessons at it is pure joy to watch them bob, swim and splash in the water.

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Kali Mae, who OT thought may need therapy due to suspected sensory processing issues, is at home in the water. I love seeing her so happy to move versus struggling. I believe this new mode of transportation is also improving their land motions. I’m eager to see how these gains will play out at the park this summer!

So, what’s next? Well, believe it or not they will be four in a few short months and thus eligible for Sun Prairie’s Four Year Old Kindergarten program. We have been visiting programs, interviewing teachers and comparing and contrasting. They are very excited for this next milestone and we believe it will open a door to a whole new world for all of us!

To everything there is a season…

Published on November 1, 2015October 31, 2015 by onesource4wellness1 Comment

King Solomon in chapter three of the Book of Ecclesiastes writes, “To everything there is a season, and a time to every purpose under heaven…” The Byrds agreed and sang, “To everything, turn, turn, turn. There is a season, turn, turn, turn. And a time to every purpose under heaven.” Everyone is aware of change- young and old- life truly is a series of seasons. We can postpone, fear and protest change, but we cannot stop it. I have found that change is best experienced in small steps with a firm foundation.

How does this apply to toddlerhood? From my perspective, toddlers change every day and they are keenly aware of the changes within themselves and around them. The V5 have noted that the leaves are changing from Lily-Green to Theo-Orange, Mae-Yellow, Bella-Purple and Ellie-Pink. They also have noticed that it’s windy outside and “told,” too. Our little munchkins have prompted many changes in the last month and have led us through most of them gracefully.

Bowls to Plates

The V5 have been eating from a bowl for a very long time. We welcomed the idea of transitioning to plates for lunch and dinner because it would teach them to pace themselves. Lily was previously wolfing down her food; she is known to be quite the snake at the table and not chew one bite. But, now she has slowed down to keep pace with her sibs.

It also provides the opportunity to demonstrate what a healthy meal looks like and the food groups present. Chef Theo caught on right away and enjoys demonstrating is well-balanced meal (Meat, Toast and Matoes). The kids have also become very engaged in the meal planning and preparation process. At lunch and dinner, we ask what they would like and each get to choose 1 item; it helps that there are five food groups. Then my little sous chefs walk me through each step of the process. Their favorite meals are:

egg, toast, avocado, spinach and applesauce
meat, orange potatoes, zucchini and oranges

Diapers to Pull-ups

As you know we are Potty Training Boot Camp veterans. We have experienced two tours. Since the second tour, the V5 have been self-initiating 2-3 trips to the potty each day. Elliott, Mae and Bella are really good at anticipating pee-pee and poo-poo; Lily loves to try and is still learning the internal sensations; Theo enjoys sitting on the big-boy potty. Many potty-training gurus discourage Pull-ups because they are essentially diapers. But, we like them because it gives the kids the independence to try to go to the potty on their own and saves lots of messes.

Cribs to Toddler Beds

When is it time to transition to a toddler bed? I’m not sure there is a best time, but most recommend to introduce them when the crib becomes unsafe. For us, this was when at least two were able to climb out of their cribs and they were able to in the middle of the night. Our transition was quick- all at once. Bella was the first to escape. With great grace she leapt out like an Olympic pole vaulter. We bought ourselves time by lowering her mattress to the floor. Theo was next and launched himself out of the bed in the middle of the night while demanding snuggles. The next day, we chose to transition to toddler beds at nap time. Warning: this change requires consistency and strong boundaries. Prepare a safe room that they can explore in the middle of the night, expect a sleepless night full of tantrums, and do not go back. Once the door is closed, let them figure it out.

A New House
The biggest transition on the horizon is our move to Sun Prairie, specifically the township of Bristol. The kids are really looking forward to the move and I think it is because they know that it is for the better. We talk about the “new house” with great positivity. They have visited and seen how much space they will have to learn and play. We look forward to closing on December 7^th!

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Tips to Ease Transition

As I noted earlier, change can be quite difficult but I believe there are many things we can do, specifically parents can do, to ease transition for their children.

Over-Communicate. We practice over-communication with anything new on a daily basis. We have found that the kids do very well when they know what is coming. Whether it is consequences or the day’s events, we see fewer tantrums when they know what’s next. I also say over-communicate, because to an adult it can sound silly to lay out basic steps, like, “when you are doing eating, we will scrape our plates once and then take them to the sink.” But, to a child these are important because otherwise they may not understand why they can’t sit at the table and lick their plates for 10 minutes after the meal (Cough- Ellie- Cough Cough).
Take it slow. Avoid turning a child’s world upside-down. I truly believe that children change a little bit every day, so they are already learning to experience the world a little different every time they wake. Be careful with self-imposed changes, such as those that we have described above. I have to remind myself that small steps also lead to big changes. One example is the transition from two naps to one. Most recommend making this change 10 minutes at a time versus all at once.
Lead by Example. If change is scary for the parent, I believe the child will sense that fear, too. I will openly admit that I am not good at change. But, I am open to trying to become better at it. I like order, sequence and schedules and transitions do not always allow for this. Therefore, as I learn to accept change and ease transition I hope to role model a healthy way to handle change for my children. Because change is new, sometimes spontaneous and can be open-ended, I have found a firm foundation of what is known is important to me. Therefore, I try to provide a firm foundation for my children when we are transitioning, such as my great love for them and the simple reminder that everything is going to be okay.

Fun Finish… Sneak peek into Minion Mansion: Halloween 2015

Tag: Parenting