There’s something powerful about taking a story that lives in your heart and finally putting it into words.
I’m incredibly grateful to Motivational MD Publishing for helping me transform one story into a growing collection of books and, ultimately, a bigger vision for Fuel to Flourish™.
Sometimes writing a book doesn’t just tell your story. It helps you discover what you’re meant to do with it!
Every July I open the virtual photo albums and reminisce over the last 365 days. I smile, I cry, I chuckle, I think about the “what if’s” and let those worries go, and count my blessings: 1, 2, 3, 4, and 5. I compile photos that articulate where each member of the V5 started the previous year and who they became. I add photos I know that they’ll cherish and sprinkle in a few that I know will make them cringe but smile inside. Then, I listen to countless songs trying to find the right one that I know they’d listen to and think, “yep that was me at 13.” My favorite part of building these collages is watching them one-on-one with each of them. We always catch little mistakes the first time through and they beg for me to take a photo out but they typically stay. Each one ends with a side hug and kiss on their head.
Ellie’s audio: How to save a life: https://youtu.be/cjVQ36NhbMk?is=RGcdU_DVxLikDQpT
This week, the V5 turn thirteen. Thirteen. I sat with that sentence for a minute because for so long, our story was defined by the beginning. The shock of discovering there weren’t one, two, or even three babies growing inside me but five.
The appointments. The preparation. The uncertainty. The NICU. Then, the bottles and diapers and feeding schedules. Five car seats. Five cribs. Five tiny people who somehow needed us all at once.
When I wrote Bump to Baby(ies), I told the story of how our family began. It was a story about pregnancy, surrender, survival, and discovering courage when life multiplied in ways we never could have imagined.
That first season passed quickly. The days were long but the years short. They became toddlers with opinions. Preschoolers with personalities. Elementary schoolers discovering friendships, sports, strengths, and struggles. And now, somehow, they are teenagers.
People have asked us versions of the same question since the kids were born: How do you do it with five?
When they were babies, the answers were practical. Schedules. Systems. Preparation. Teamwork. And probably more coffee than medically advisable.
But as they grew, the question became much more complicated. How do we raise five children at the exact same age while honoring that they are five completely different people?
How do we create structure without controlling them?
How do we help them become resilient without protecting them from every struggle?
How do we teach responsibility while making home a place where mistakes are safe?
How do we stay connected as schedules, sports, school, friends, emotions, and independence begin pulling everyone in different directions?
And maybe the biggest question of all: How do we raise children who know they are deeply loved while preparing them to eventually walk into the world without us?
I definitely don’t have all the answers. Thirteen years into this parenting, social experiment, I’m more convinced of that than ever.
What I do have are lessons. Lots and lots of lessons. Some learned beautifully. Others learned the hard way.
One of the surprises of parenting has been realizing that children aren’t the only ones growing. The parents we were when five babies came home are not the parents we are today.
We’ve learned that connection matters more than control. That repair matters more than getting every interaction right. That our children can share the same home, the same parents, and even the same birthday and still need completely different things from us.
We’ve learned to laugh. We’ve learned to apologize. We’ve learned to have hard conversations. We’ve learned that sometimes the best parenting happens around the dinner table, driving to practice, or during a completely ordinary Tuesday night.
And we’ve learned that resilient families aren’t families without struggle. They’re families who learn how to move through struggle together. That became the heart of Baby(ies) to Big Kids.
Baby(ies) to Big Kids isn’t a story about how we figured out parenting. Quite the opposite. It’s about what we’ve learned while figuring it out.
The CALM parenting framework is about raising resilient kids while continuing to become resilient adults. It’s about communication rooted in curiosity, anchoring values, connection through words and actions, responsibility, emotional awareness, and creating a family culture intentionally even when real life is loud and messy.
And because reading about these ideas only takes us so far, the story grew again. I created companion workbooks for parents and youth so families could move from reading about resilience and connection to actually practicing them together. What began as a story had become a set of resources.
There’s another lesson woven throughout these thirteen years that deserves its own chapter: Family resilience doesn’t happen in isolation.
Our children have been shaped by grandparents, teachers, coaches, healthcare professionals, neighbors, friends, and people who have simply shown up again and again. So have I.
We have been privileged to grow up alongside two of our people, Alex and Danielle. Frank and Alex became best friends in high school, two kids from neighboring towns bonded by Seinfeld, classic rock, and countless hours writing and playing music in Alex’s basement before rocking talent shows and benefit concerts together. Their friendship followed them to college, where they joined the same fraternity and eventually served as president and vice president, and where Alex met Danielle, who quickly became part of our story, too. Over the years, the four of us have celebrated, struggled, built careers, raised families, laughed, challenged one another, and become family. We are iron that sharpens iron, but perhaps our greatest lesson has been that even strong people need a village.
Danielle has been part of ours through so many chapters, which makes it especially meaningful that she wrote the foreword to Baby(ies) to Big Kids. There is something incredibly special about having someone who has witnessed the messy middle of your story help introduce it to the world.
On the weekend of their thirteenth birthday, I find myself looking backward and forward at the same time. I can still see those five tiny babies. But I also see five young people becoming increasingly themselves. And I know the next chapter will bring questions I haven’t even thought to ask yet.
But this week? I’m going to celebrate five thirteen-year-olds. I’m going to marvel at the fact that somehow we made it from five NICU isolettes to five teenagers. And I’m going to remind myself that we still haven’t arrived. Thank goodness.
Happy 13th birthday, Theo, Bella, Lily, Kali, and Ellie!
What an extraordinary adventure it is to grow alongside you.
I remember the moment, those two lines appeared. We locked eyes realizing life just changed.
I remember the “2-week wait” which felt like forever. The kind of forever that a child feels as they await each minute until their birthday party, or the kind of wait when there’s silence in the room. The wait of not knowing what they’ll say, what it all means, what’s next.
I remember the drive to the fertility clinic that day in March which was clouded with anticipation, fear and wonder. We hadn’t planned this. There was no IVF. But we had a hint that something unordinary was around the corner given that my initial HCG was 493 and then jumped to 1333 just 4 days later.
I remember the ultrasound room. The technician’s cold hands, the even cooler jelly on my belly. I remember the feeling as they scanned the landscape as if we were explorers uncovering new treasures with each inch of the wand’s movement across my stomach.
I remember the silence before the technician spoke and the sinking feeling as she counted. I remember realizing my life would never return to singular – we were in the era of the plural. The us became a we. It was no longer yours and mine. It was ours.
I have narrated the stories and life lessons in this blog for more than a decade. It has become more than a journey from a bump to baby(ies). This story is about the journey we all take from surprise to confidence, from disorganized to-do’s to controlled chaos, from fear to surrender.
Parenting and caregiving focuses on the bundle(s) of joy but we need to create space to grow, too. We are called to transform with them through every age and stage. Bump to Baby(ies) isn’t just about pregnancy and parenting. It’s about what happens when life multiplies faster than your capacity feels ready for.
This is my why for breaking the blog out of it’s box and into a book. That’s right, I’m birthing a book!
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing pieces of this journey as the manuscript heads to final edit and then on into the hands of those who I hope and pray will blossom from its message.
This year’s birthday felt monumental. Perhaps, it is because we are now a household of school-aged children with friends and these friends joined us in celebrating the V5. Or, perhaps it is because it was a multiple-golden birthday. Even more so, it may have been because the kiddos were more aware than ever what this celebration meant. Either way, it warranted a week-long party! A day for each and a weekend for all!
We kicked off the birthday week with a trip to the Dane County Fair
Earned their Purple-striped Belts
Took a trip to Sassy Cow Creamery and toured their Farm. Of course they had to dress the part.
Woke up at 5am on their Big Day and put on their Friday-best (all by themselves) ready to celebrate!
Celebrated Friday Morning with a trip downtown to meet a few of their favorite characters and to check out a real fire truck
Birthday Cupcakes with a side of Sunbutter and Carrots (No, I didn’t offer the veggies; they asked and it was there birthday so, how could I say no?)
Double B-day Bash Saturday. They loved celebrating with their friends in the morning and family in the afternoon. The mid-day break was just long enough to give this Paw Patrol crew a break.
The week concluded with each getting to break their very own birthday boards at karate!
Many, many thanks to all who made this year’s milestone birthday so special!
Today we celebrate the Vanderwall Quintuplets first day of school. We had no worries about being late since all five have been giddy with excitement since they first received their 4k notice in the mail; all were up and had dressed themselves by 6:30 am. In all honesty, we did experience a few wardrobe snafus and fashion faux pas but all easily resolved.. They gobbled down their oats and were eager for their photo shoot.
About 1,000 pictures later, we hopped in the van and headed to school. So many memories were captured within those 5 minutes while we dropped them off…
On the way home, they were eager to learn what the others’ experienced. While they maintained the same daily schedule, the individual activities were different. Bella, Ellie and Kali decorated hats and Theo and Lily took a class picture. Bella was proud to share that she made a new friend who helped her put her coat on. Everyone’s favorite part of the morning was playing at recess. All are looking for another day tomorrow.
We are experiencing nothing but pure joy in the Vanderwall household today. We are so proud of our little miracles!
Big sister, Isabella Marie, is the oldest girl but one of the smallest at birth. She is our “I don’t do drama” queen. This blonde Bella has very keen senses of hearing and sight. When the others’ start sounding their alarms, or she has had enough photos for one day the little hands go up and shield her little eyes and ears. Bella also takes the cake (literally) as our best eater and grower. She is tolerating 6 times as much milk as her siblings. “Beautiful Marie” gets her looks from her Daddy with her light hair, long face and tendency to crinkle her forehead. We are excited to introduce you to our little Bella Bean.
If you click on an image, it will give you a full-screen slideshow of all the pictures.
Not pictured above:
We are so thankful that Bella has been the most well of the bunch, evading spontaneous ruptures and breathing issues. Prayer requests for Isabella include her continued tolerance of her feedings, as well as, sustained growth and development.
Keep coming back to meet Lily, Kali and Ellie, too!
I believe further explanation of how we went from “status quo” to “the babies will be delivered within the next 45 minutes” is warranted. I was settling in for a day’s work on the morning of July 31st, when I felt like I wet my pants. Now to be honest, I just assumed little Theo was going to be controlling my bladder for the day. But, upon further investigation, I realized he had popped his little sac and I had “broken my water.” I called my doctor’s office, but since they were closed it directed my call to the physician on-call, which just so happened to be Dr. Elliott’s “bat phone.” I felt awful for bothering him on vacation, but he didn’t mind one bit. He encouraged me to pack a bag and head to Ob triage (the moms’ ER).
We arrived at the hospital and were quickly shuffled in for an assessment. They tested the fluid and confirmed that indeed it was amniotic fluid. Then, they discontinued my nifedipine (calcium-channel blocker), gave me a steroid shot (Betamethasone) to enhance fetal lung development, and started me on 3g of Magnesium sulfate. I was then whisked away to ultrasound to confirm the culprit. It was indeed little Theo (baby A) whose deepest vertical pocket went from around 5cm to about 1.6 cm, which indicated that he only had about 1.6 cm of fluid surrounding his little body in his sac. His head was now so low in my pelvis he appeared as though his little body stopped at his neck.
The nurses assured me that once my contractions stopped, it was entirely possible I could remain pregnant for several weeks. This amazed me but they said it happens all of the time. Unfortunately, this scenario is only true if 1) your contractions do stop, 2) you tolerate the medicinal anti-contraction regimen and 3) you do not develop an infection. My contractions did stop, thanks to the “mag.” But, it was clear after 24h on the magnesium sulfate that I was not tolerating it, and my lungs began to fill with fluid.
Magnesium sulfate is used for contraction management. It is thought to affect calcium channels to slow uterine contractions. Typical side-effects include water retention, muscle weakness, sweating/flushing, nausea, vomiting, constipation, and blurry vision. For most, these symptoms are tolerable and some mom’s of multiples can again remain on magnesium sulfate for several weeks, in order to prolong their gestation. Unfortunately, I hit the jackpot and experienced all of the symptoms noted above.
My body was only able to combat these side effects for about 3 days. I was placed on b-pap to increase my oxygen saturation and Lasix to try and rid my body and lungs of the extra fluid. On the morning of August 3, I was moved back to labor and delivery due to my pending diagnosis of pneumonia. When I spiked a fever and my white blood cell count shot up, we knew today was the day. It was then that we got the news that we would get to meet the quints within the next few hours.
They informed us that Dr. Elliott was speeding to the hospital, on his way back from vacation, and we were going to try and wait for him to arrive around 4pm. But, when he heard that I had a fever, he gave the go ahead to deliver in his absence.
Thus, they unraveled the most well-orchestrated delivery I have every heard of. With over 20 people in the delivery room (6 teams: one for me and one for each baby), they delivered the quints in about 3 minutes. The entire “operation” took about 45 minutes. I vaguely remember these moments, but Frank was right by my side to catalog it all.
Following delivery, Frank headed to the quints’ recovery room. By the time I arrived, all were gone and up to the NICU. My mom awaited me in the recovery room, and was over-joyed to see me safe and sound. I, unfortunately, could not see our little angels until my fever subsided and my breathing had stabilized.
Dr. Elliott arrived and it was clear he was upset that he could not deliver our babies, but we truly respected his decision. He shared with Frank that sometimes as a physician you have to make a decision with your head and not your heart. If we had waited even a moment longer my infection may have complicated the babies course.
Those 48 hours preceding the birth of our babies, were some of the worst of my life. But, I know that without that treatment regimen, our 5 little miracles would not have passed the “steroid efficacy window” and may have been at an even greater risk for serious complications.
Our heartfelt thanks goes out to Dr. Elliott and the teams at Banner Desert for their superb, patient-centered care, compassion and wisdom. For I know that if we were anywhere else, the circumstances and outcome may have been very different.
We have much more to share with everyone and are working on getting some fantastic pics of the quints, so look forward to some more baby updates in the near future!
Ladies and Gentlemen,
It is our pleasure to announce that on the 3rd day of August, 2013, between the hours of 1:48 and 1:50pm, five beautiful new baby Vanderwalls came into the world. That’s right, it’s time to introduce you all to the V5!
First, is big brother Theodore Joseph – he was the first one out of the womb at 1:48 pm, weighing 2lb 14oz and measuring 14.5″. Upon being told by the nurse that he was the only boy, and had a life with four sisters to look forward to, he literally began screaming and kicking. It had everyone in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit (NICU) laughing. I think he’s going to be a performer. I mean look at his picture, he’s already showing off his first public magic trick – making his feet glow.
Second out of the womb at 1:49pm, was 2lb 7oz Isabella Marie, also measuring 14.5″. Sporting a full head of hair at only 29 weeks, like her brother Theo, she was our first precious daughter to take a breath of real air. Already living up to the meaning of her name “Bella,” she is incredibly beautiful. We’ve requested she be kept away from any other boys in the NICU. I already caught one of the other premie boys eyeing her up on the way in 😉
Born at the same time as Bella, 2lb 11oz, 14.6″ Lillian Grace entered the world with her mouth wide open. She let out a cute little scream then was whisked off to the NICU to join her brother and sister. Adorned in her little stitched hat, she’s certainly making a good case to be daddy’s favorite little girl. Unfortunately for her, this daddy is going to have four favorite little girls, not just one. Let’s not tell her just yet, though 😉 She seems to really be enjoying her self-proclaimed title.
One minute later, at 1:50pm, our third little girl, 2lb 5oz, 13″ Kali Mae, joined her siblings. Kali, who you’ll see already has a striking resemblance to her very handsome father, was a kicker and a screamer from the get-go; further establishing the aforementioned resemblance to her father.
And last, but certainly not least, at 1:50pm Elliot Rose completed the V5’s arrival into the world. 2lb 6oz, 14.5″ Ellie was our little fighter, overcoming a couple weeks of very scary distress in the womb. She proved her tenacity once she exited as well. All of our little blessings performed admirably throughout their first day in the NICU, but it was Ellie who received the highest remarks, breathing all on her own with the least assistance from the NICU staff.
I am also happy to announce that after a medically difficult 12 hours, following delivery, Cassie has turned the corner and is back on track for a swift, full recovery. She made it up the NICU today (Aug 4) and FINALLY got to see our babies for the first time!
Thank you for all of your continued prayers, hugs, kisses, and well-wishes. We are humbled and most thankful for everyone’s support. Stay tuned for more updates.
Love you all!!!
Daddy V (and the rest of the V7)
The quint’s domain is nearing completion thanks to Frank and our invaluable friends! This past week Frank coordinated the rearranging of an abundance of furniture, cleaning of closets, and construction of all of the baby furniture and shelving!
I cannot thank Jake, Bethany, Sean, Jenny, Liz, Brad, Ryan, Hayley, Sam, Angela, Sunghee and Jo enough for their generosity. We have been so blessed by their friendship and support since day one. I can’t explain the peace that it brings me to know that our babies will have a place to lay their little heads when they arrive back in Madison. Thank you!
Here are some more snapshots of the action!
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