Lillian Grace is snuggled right in the middle of the five and I’m certain she wouldn’t have it any other way. Lily continues to be the goofiest of the bunch and knows how to make them all laugh. She also knows just as well how to push their buttons. She has been the “lil-instigator” since day one.
Lily knows how to go with the flow and lives by the YOLO adage, but don’t let her laid back personality fool you. She has a temper and can go from 0 to 60 just about as quick as Ellie Rose. Her storms are easy to calm with a silly face, tickle under the chin or a question for redirection. She loves to play and is by far the most social; everyone Lily meets is a new friend.
Join me as we take a look back at Lily’s last year…
On to big sister Isabella Marie! She is still our petite princess who consistently has an imaginary story line playing through her mind. She continues to love to be artistic whether it is through drawing, coloring, singing or interpretive dance. This sweet girl also loves America, country music and her big brother Theo!
While she is 90% sweet, there is 10% spunky goof ball with a bit of sass; she has renamed this alter ego Izzy. While we are trying to adapt to her new name, she will forever be our Bella Bean.
Birthday week has arrived and it’s time to reminisce and stroll down memory lane. While Mr. Theo has truly grown up, his personality, inquisitive nature and love for tinkering have remained. He has found new loves like baseball, the Chicago Cubs, batting practice with Dad and did I mention baseball?
This last year in Kindergarten he was able to expand his social circle to include some more XY chromosomes and truly enjoyed “boys only” play dates. We also were able to go on a few Mommy-son dates which will forever be in my heart.
Like that. In a blink of an eye. School is out. Summer is on the horizon. It is hard to believe that my last entry here was 4 months ago. It has been a busy 4 months, but a good busy and a memorable busy.
This Spring we continued to grow physically, mentally, emotionally and socially. I have to consistently remind myself they are 5 (and a half). What I think they may be able to handle and navigate, may still be too much. Therefore, Mom is continuing to grow mentally, emotionally and socially, too.
Here’s a snapshot of our fun moments this last Spring…
Our house is loud. Our house is competitive. In our house, choices have consequences. Our has a schedule where there is a time to eat, play, sleep and head here and there. There is no doubt that this environment is stressful. I, the keeper of the schedule know that better than anyone. But, our home is also filled with love, laughter, prayer, gratitude, grace and mercy.
This home’s environment is much different than the one I grew up in but the values remain the same. Because of this I see my children evolving to be different than I was when I was younger. They are more confident, outspoken, expressive. They have to share everything from their bedroom to their time. None of this is bad. I just wonder at times what they are thinking and what this experience- this childhood- is really like for them.
There are moments when we find ourselves one-on-one where I catch a glimpse of them with their guard down. Whether it be their soft eyes, gentle smile or genuine laugh, it is then I know that they are doing okay, that they’re going to be okay. Rarely, are there uninterrupted conversations, but now that they can read and write, our conversations have become asynchronous. They can leave us a note, or a picture and we can do the same. It is in these stick figure drawings and scripted words that again I know that they’re going to be okay.
With each passing day they grow up a bit more. They become more independent and more united at the same time. They need others a bit more and us a bit less. While this is hard, I know it is good.
Translation: “Nobody go in this room”
But, I have to consciously combat the worry and the fear that perhaps this environment may perpetuate invisible illness and may pay a toll on their young hearts and minds. Our children, like all others, are developing a sense of mastery of their environment and themselves with each passing day. They can understand reasons for why life is the way it is; these may be logical or magical. I believe it is vital that we, as caregivers, know when to step in and when to step back, in order to foster resilience and not dependency or injury. The following 7 strategies were adapted from the American Psychological Association’s suggestions for fostering resilience across the lifespan.
Strategies to Foster Resilient Families
Make connections. Relationships expose us to another person’s journey which provides us with perspective and increases the skill of empathy. A strong network of friends and family can also provide social support which can provide a non-judgmental safety net when we fall.
Empower through Service. Age-appropriate volunteerism can help the helpless.
Maintain Routine. Most thrive with consistency because it can provide comfort. In times of change, it can be helpful to find rest in celebrating the child’s routine.
While routine and structure are beneficial if they lead to worry, they become counter-productive. Hit the pause button on life to explore with the child the source of worry. If it is the routine, celebrate spontaneity and re-construct the routine together.
Practice and Preach Self-care. Finding and making time to care for one’s self through solid nutrition, exercise and rest is pivotal for keeping one’s tank full; this is a necessity to prevent burn-out especially when caring for a child with any illness- visible or invisible. Children will also bare witness to our self-care and establish their own methods.
Nurture Positivity. Hardship can be handled with greater ease in the context of hope and trusting relationships. Helping a child trust the process, look for the positive and trust themselves to overcome life’s hurdles can build resilience and strengthen their self-efficacy towards present and future difficulties. While children may not be able to assess long-term consequences, we can help them see past the current situation and find hope while exploring optimism amidst fears.
Accept Change. Change can be scary but learning to accept and roll with change at an early age can foster resilience. Navigating opportunities for self-discovery amidst change continues to build into the child and provides a reflective skill-set which can aid in changing with change.
Big picture
Resilient parents raise resilient children who have “the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” and find calm amidst chaos. This ability to bounce back and grow is not just a process for self-development but a philosophy. We have the opportunity to plant “seeds of strength” and self-care so, our children can overcome the challenges of illness, a busy household, and/or hardships at home, work and school to courageously take on life with grace, generosity and gratitude.
Advent, or arrival, of the New Year has come! In the Christian tradition the first Sunday of Advent marks the New Year as individuals prepare for the coming of the Redeemer. Each Sunday of the Advent seasons prepares one with focus hope, peace, joy and love. Meditation on each of these values is a solid way to bring calm to one of the busiest times of the year but also sets the stage for the traditional New Year resolutions.
Now, looking back at the last 3 months of the holiday season I cannot help but see memories of hopeful children as they wrote and re-wrote and attempted to re-write their Christmas lists for a third time on Christmas eve… I hear the quiet and stillness of the household once they are all tucked in dreaming of tomorrow’s wishes… I see the joy written all over their faces as they embarked on new adventures trick-or-treating in October, trying new foods at Thanksgiving, and visiting family and friends over the Christmas celebrations… I feel and relish in the loving memories made at Christmas service as I watched each hold their own candle and sing silent night. All of these thoughts seem so fresh and I hope to keep them this way as we head into 2019.
Join me in refreshing the Advent New Year and refocusing on hope, peace, joy and love in 2019!
Minnie (Kali), Anna (Bella), Cat woman (Ellie), Capn America (Theo) and our resident Wiggly Gal (Lily) ready for some serious trick or treating!Visit to the Sun Prairie Fire Department to see Trucks, Police vehicles and the Med Flight team.
Celebrated Kali’s first Winter Dance performance and Lily and Ellie’s first session of Gymnastics. Theo is very excited to start basketball in 1 week.
Bella continues to enjoy her free time to be creative.
Thanksgiving Love, Joy, Snuggles and Sillies!
Family Christmas celebrations abounded! Great lessons of gratitude versus greed were learned. Lots of thank yous for the blessings that family and friends shared.
I even think they learned to like each other a bit more.
We capped off winter break with a surprise trip to the Dells!
The kiddos loved the waterpark, indoor amusement park and the arcade…
especially when Daddy won them each a ball from the claw machine!
We welcomed 2019 in with thoughtful reflection and resolutions, as well as, a whole lot of noisemakers!
Get better at building everything from Legos to planes to robots (Theo),
Playing nice with Lily (Bella),
Practice reading and gymnastics to get better each time (Lily),
Be more grateful (Kali),
Perfect her cartwheel and learn how to do a handstand (Ellie), and
To slow down enough in each moment to Selah, or to pause, reflect, look upwards, inwards and outwards before moving ahead in hope, peace, joy and love.
Resilience: “the ability to overcome serious hardship; toughness.”
One week ago, I got yet another call from the school nurse sharing that our little buddy was in her office. Theo had been a frequent visitor to the nurse’s office since the first week of school with perpetual tummy aches. We were chalking it up to pooping problems given that their water intake had been likely cut in half since the start of school. However, last Wednesday he was refusing to go back to the class. He didn’t have a fever but was unable to keep anything down so, a quick Google search told me he was either severely constipated, caught norovirus, or a different stomach bug. Unfortunately, water, miralax and a glycerin suppository didn’t produce the results we were expecting so we settled on a bad stomach bug. Then, Thursday evening we noted that his stomach had blown up like a water balloon and nothing could soothe him; Off to the ER we went.
Obstructed portion of the small intestine
I was hesitant to jump to emergent care because Theo was showing these same symptoms back in February which didn’t show anything significant; this time was different. The abdominal x-ray didn’t demonstrate stool burden so we moved on to an MRI. Here we saw that Mr. Theo had a bowel obstruction. The next 2 hours flew by as an emergent surgery was organized. The best case scenario was that Theo’s small intestine was simply kinked like a garden hose… the worse case scenario was that the obstruction could be so bad that he would leave with an ostomy.
Frank rushed to the hospital as we were moving to pre-op. Theo was cool, calm and collected. He simply wanted to know the facts. This young boy knows the word surgery and all that it entails far too well after 4 surgeries in his first 4 years of life, including a repair of a spontaneous bowel perforation (day 1), anastamosis (3 months), an epiplocele repair, and a tonsil-and adenoid-ectomy. We discussed two plans with the surgeon; Plan A which was a simpler laparoscopic procedure where they would enter through his belly button and two small sites on either side and Plan B where they would convert Plan A to an open procedure for more extensive repair.
The surgery took two hours and we were notified after 90 minutes that they were progressing through Plan A. To say that we were relieved would be an under-statement. Once Theo procedure had concluded, the surgeon came to visit us to explain that this obstruction was a spontaneous occurrence and had nothing to do with bowel habits, hydration or anything we or Theo could’ve caused. The obstruction was caused by the omentum.
The omentum is a fascinating apron of fat within the abdomen which not only keeps our organs in place but also plays an immunological role. The omentum’s central role is the abdominal defenseman, it adheres to sites of inflammation and provides leukocytes to combat infection. In Theo’s case the omentum had adhered to the sites of his previous bowel surgeries, stretching across a portion of his small intestine. This part of the small bowel proceded to push through the stretched omentum- creating a donut-like shape- and then curved back around and came back through the same hole.
Kinked small intestine
This kink in the intestine had been developing since Theo’s first symptoms in February. During the procedure, the team trimmed back the omentum, releasing Theo’s small intestine. They then inspected most of small intestine to examine other sites of adhesion but felt no further alterations were necessary. We found this pathophysiology to be fascinating, as did Theo. He even got surgical pictures as a keepsake. He enjoys retelling the story to his sisters with these graphic images.
Amazingly, Theo displayed his resilience by discharging from the hospital 1 day later and returning to school on Monday. His bravery, curiousity and recovery truly make him one of our five super heroes!
Yesterday we visited Busy Barns and had a blast exploring all of their friendly farm animals, working through the obstacle course and unwinding on the hay ride. These pictures were too cute not to share!
Now that we’re big elementary kids we are eligible for extra-curricular fun. While our little ninjas have been doing karate since 4K, they have been asking about other after school activities, too. We were holding on to our commitment to minimize extra-curriculars until, this summer when we were worn down by our budding ballerinas, flipping fanatics and aviation connoisseur.
Our biggest concerns for having kiddos in separate activities were 1) not having enough adult manpower to get kids from here to there and 2) not having enough energy to actively engage. Surprisingly, after school endurance is improving, however transitions remain difficult. It appears that the kids are emotionally spent but maintain a high degree of physical energy. If we aren’t careful, tantrums and disputes arise quickly and are difficult to manage. We have found that a post-school snack, quiet time and independent play are helpful. This is much easier with two adults on-deck but with one can pose to be a challenge.
We have surrendered and currently Kali and Bella are enjoying Ballet and Tap on Mondays, Lily and Ellie are enrolled in Gymnastics and all continue their karate two days each week. So far so good but we continue to wade carefully into these waters knowing that margin is a good thing.
Here are two videos which capture our baseline skills, can’t wait to see how these four ladies grow in their new found love for dance and tumbling!
Practicing our “Flips”
Pre Dance Lessons Sesh:
We also want our children to have capacity for spontaneous school and family events that arise. One fun run event that is coming up for them is the Terrapin Trot! This is a fun 20-minute run to raise school funds for everything from in-classroom technology to field trips. If you are interested in pledging, you can do so at the following links:
Bump 2 Bab[y]ies 