September is a month of transition. New school routines, fall sports and activities which can lead to an exhausting day and it is easy to go through the motions from wake-up to bed-time. Despite the busyness, we don’t want to sacrifice the quality of our time together and how precious these moments are.
We have been counting down to the first day of first grade since June because our crew are social animals. They thrive at school. It was evident by the last week in August that they had grown tired of their familial playmates. This first week of school has been a blast. Each kiddo has enjoyed the adventure of learning their new routine, teacher and classmates. Lucky for them, they were exposed to the entire Kindergarten class last year so the experiences was truly a shuffle of each others’ friends and an opportunity to be-friend their siblings’ besties.
All are looking forward to reading more often and with greater confidence, writing with greater clarity and expressing their creativity in art, science and music. We are ready to watch our little miracles continue to grow by leaps and bounds in first grade.
Where do I start with Ms. Elliott Rose? She is simply intense. Everything she does, she does to the extreme. When she is happy, she’s incredibly happy. When she is sad, she’s very sad. When she’s mad, Ellie goes boom! She is truly a feeler. I can see that she can sense others’ hurt and pain and it melts my heart to watch her respond in kindness. This is definitely true for our furry and feathered friends, too.
Rosie is also our athlete who continues to love to move. Her favorites our gymnastics, tumbling, soccer and soon will be trying her hand at cheer. At the end of the day, when she has run out of gas, she is always excited to snuggle up.
Now, a look back at Ellie over the last year…
Ellie at five years…
Ellie at four years…
Ellie at three years…
Ellie at two years…
If you really want to turn back the clock, check out Ellie’s First Year…
Lillian Grace is snuggled right in the middle of the five and I’m certain she wouldn’t have it any other way. Lily continues to be the goofiest of the bunch and knows how to make them all laugh. She also knows just as well how to push their buttons. She has been the “lil-instigator” since day one.
Lily knows how to go with the flow and lives by the YOLO adage, but don’t let her laid back personality fool you. She has a temper and can go from 0 to 60 just about as quick as Ellie Rose. Her storms are easy to calm with a silly face, tickle under the chin or a question for redirection. She loves to play and is by far the most social; everyone Lily meets is a new friend.
Join me as we take a look back at Lily’s last year…
On to big sister Isabella Marie! She is still our petite princess who consistently has an imaginary story line playing through her mind. She continues to love to be artistic whether it is through drawing, coloring, singing or interpretive dance. This sweet girl also loves America, country music and her big brother Theo!
While she is 90% sweet, there is 10% spunky goof ball with a bit of sass; she has renamed this alter ego Izzy. While we are trying to adapt to her new name, she will forever be our Bella Bean.
Our house is loud. Our house is competitive. In our house, choices have consequences. Our has a schedule where there is a time to eat, play, sleep and head here and there. There is no doubt that this environment is stressful. I, the keeper of the schedule know that better than anyone. But, our home is also filled with love, laughter, prayer, gratitude, grace and mercy.
This home’s environment is much different than the one I grew up in but the values remain the same. Because of this I see my children evolving to be different than I was when I was younger. They are more confident, outspoken, expressive. They have to share everything from their bedroom to their time. None of this is bad. I just wonder at times what they are thinking and what this experience- this childhood- is really like for them.
There are moments when we find ourselves one-on-one where I catch a glimpse of them with their guard down. Whether it be their soft eyes, gentle smile or genuine laugh, it is then I know that they are doing okay, that they’re going to be okay. Rarely, are there uninterrupted conversations, but now that they can read and write, our conversations have become asynchronous. They can leave us a note, or a picture and we can do the same. It is in these stick figure drawings and scripted words that again I know that they’re going to be okay.
With each passing day they grow up a bit more. They become more independent and more united at the same time. They need others a bit more and us a bit less. While this is hard, I know it is good.
Translation: “Nobody go in this room”
But, I have to consciously combat the worry and the fear that perhaps this environment may perpetuate invisible illness and may pay a toll on their young hearts and minds. Our children, like all others, are developing a sense of mastery of their environment and themselves with each passing day. They can understand reasons for why life is the way it is; these may be logical or magical. I believe it is vital that we, as caregivers, know when to step in and when to step back, in order to foster resilience and not dependency or injury. The following 7 strategies were adapted from the American Psychological Association’s suggestions for fostering resilience across the lifespan.
Strategies to Foster Resilient Families
Make connections. Relationships expose us to another person’s journey which provides us with perspective and increases the skill of empathy. A strong network of friends and family can also provide social support which can provide a non-judgmental safety net when we fall.
Empower through Service. Age-appropriate volunteerism can help the helpless.
Maintain Routine. Most thrive with consistency because it can provide comfort. In times of change, it can be helpful to find rest in celebrating the child’s routine.
While routine and structure are beneficial if they lead to worry, they become counter-productive. Hit the pause button on life to explore with the child the source of worry. If it is the routine, celebrate spontaneity and re-construct the routine together.
Practice and Preach Self-care. Finding and making time to care for one’s self through solid nutrition, exercise and rest is pivotal for keeping one’s tank full; this is a necessity to prevent burn-out especially when caring for a child with any illness- visible or invisible. Children will also bare witness to our self-care and establish their own methods.
Nurture Positivity. Hardship can be handled with greater ease in the context of hope and trusting relationships. Helping a child trust the process, look for the positive and trust themselves to overcome life’s hurdles can build resilience and strengthen their self-efficacy towards present and future difficulties. While children may not be able to assess long-term consequences, we can help them see past the current situation and find hope while exploring optimism amidst fears.
Accept Change. Change can be scary but learning to accept and roll with change at an early age can foster resilience. Navigating opportunities for self-discovery amidst change continues to build into the child and provides a reflective skill-set which can aid in changing with change.
Big picture
Resilient parents raise resilient children who have “the ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change” and find calm amidst chaos. This ability to bounce back and grow is not just a process for self-development but a philosophy. We have the opportunity to plant “seeds of strength” and self-care so, our children can overcome the challenges of illness, a busy household, and/or hardships at home, work and school to courageously take on life with grace, generosity and gratitude.
Resilience: “the ability to overcome serious hardship; toughness.”
One week ago, I got yet another call from the school nurse sharing that our little buddy was in her office. Theo had been a frequent visitor to the nurse’s office since the first week of school with perpetual tummy aches. We were chalking it up to pooping problems given that their water intake had been likely cut in half since the start of school. However, last Wednesday he was refusing to go back to the class. He didn’t have a fever but was unable to keep anything down so, a quick Google search told me he was either severely constipated, caught norovirus, or a different stomach bug. Unfortunately, water, miralax and a glycerin suppository didn’t produce the results we were expecting so we settled on a bad stomach bug. Then, Thursday evening we noted that his stomach had blown up like a water balloon and nothing could soothe him; Off to the ER we went.
Obstructed portion of the small intestine
I was hesitant to jump to emergent care because Theo was showing these same symptoms back in February which didn’t show anything significant; this time was different. The abdominal x-ray didn’t demonstrate stool burden so we moved on to an MRI. Here we saw that Mr. Theo had a bowel obstruction. The next 2 hours flew by as an emergent surgery was organized. The best case scenario was that Theo’s small intestine was simply kinked like a garden hose… the worse case scenario was that the obstruction could be so bad that he would leave with an ostomy.
Frank rushed to the hospital as we were moving to pre-op. Theo was cool, calm and collected. He simply wanted to know the facts. This young boy knows the word surgery and all that it entails far too well after 4 surgeries in his first 4 years of life, including a repair of a spontaneous bowel perforation (day 1), anastamosis (3 months), an epiplocele repair, and a tonsil-and adenoid-ectomy. We discussed two plans with the surgeon; Plan A which was a simpler laparoscopic procedure where they would enter through his belly button and two small sites on either side and Plan B where they would convert Plan A to an open procedure for more extensive repair.
The surgery took two hours and we were notified after 90 minutes that they were progressing through Plan A. To say that we were relieved would be an under-statement. Once Theo procedure had concluded, the surgeon came to visit us to explain that this obstruction was a spontaneous occurrence and had nothing to do with bowel habits, hydration or anything we or Theo could’ve caused. The obstruction was caused by the omentum.
The omentum is a fascinating apron of fat within the abdomen which not only keeps our organs in place but also plays an immunological role. The omentum’s central role is the abdominal defenseman, it adheres to sites of inflammation and provides leukocytes to combat infection. In Theo’s case the omentum had adhered to the sites of his previous bowel surgeries, stretching across a portion of his small intestine. This part of the small bowel proceded to push through the stretched omentum- creating a donut-like shape- and then curved back around and came back through the same hole.
Kinked small intestine
This kink in the intestine had been developing since Theo’s first symptoms in February. During the procedure, the team trimmed back the omentum, releasing Theo’s small intestine. They then inspected most of small intestine to examine other sites of adhesion but felt no further alterations were necessary. We found this pathophysiology to be fascinating, as did Theo. He even got surgical pictures as a keepsake. He enjoys retelling the story to his sisters with these graphic images.
Amazingly, Theo displayed his resilience by discharging from the hospital 1 day later and returning to school on Monday. His bravery, curiousity and recovery truly make him one of our five super heroes!
Yesterday we visited Busy Barns and had a blast exploring all of their friendly farm animals, working through the obstacle course and unwinding on the hay ride. These pictures were too cute not to share!
Our transition to kindergarten has been deemed a success! The kiddos are loving their new school, their teachers and their “specials.” The first week was very exciting but we quickly realized that we needed to be cautious and careful of after school activities because our endurance for a long school day was not up to par. Day one ended with a 20-minutes sob fest laid out upon the kitchen floor. We are still trying to navigate how to sneak in a cat nap or quiet time when they arrive home to assist with the transition… this remains a work in progress.
Overall, our keys to a successful transition are as follows:
Prepare. Preparation begins the night before or even weeks before and includes planning breakfast, lunch and snacks. Most of this preparation happens the night before when breakfast is partially prepared, lunches and snacks are packed and clothes for the next day are laid out. Sharing the plan with the youngest members of the team is also key because it can’t remain a best kept secret if it will be successful. It’s helpful to share the plan for the next morning or day the evening before.
Delegate. Mornings can be hurried and easily become chaotic, but delegating tasks to children and adults, all members can work as a team. Kid-friendly tasks include getting dressed, setting the breakfast table, filling water cups, serving themselves breakfast, brushing teeth and hair, etc. Older kids may be completely self-sufficient and simply need morning nudges to stay on task. Younger children may require more nudges and time stamps at each check point along the way. We have found our Alexa to be really helpful in these efforts. Our munchkins wake between 5-6a and often play upstairs until they are que’ed to come down. The first reminder comes via Alexa around 6:30 (Time to pick-up and get dressed), the second around 6:45 when “breakfast is ready.” We carry out these reminders every 10-15 minutes until we leave for the bus stop at 7:15.
Be Flexible. Stuff happens. A well thought-out plan can easily fall to pieces. Families can still get out the door in one piece and on time by remaining flexible. Flexibility can be difficult but by focusing on core values, remaining calm and being optimistic one can roll with the punches (easier said then done).
Ellie is still the self-proclaimed, resident cat lady and veterinarian of the Vanderwall household. She commonly expresses her emotions as a “purr” or a “hiss.” Her love for all animals continues to grow and we have observed a special connection all of the pups to chickens that she comes in contact with.
She also continues to be one of extremes. She is our happiest girl when she is happy but flip a switch and Ellies-goes-boom! We find the same is true for her activities. She is moving from the moment she wakes but come 7pm and she is o-u-t. She is by-far the best sleeper of the bunch; thank you, Ellie!
Ellie finds the most joy in playing with her hippity-hop, swinging, hanging out in the chicken run and swimming. She also loves to color rainbows and draw kitties.
Here’s a look at Elliott Rose’s fourth year…
Ellie at four years…
Ellie at three years…
Ellie at two years…
If you really want to turn back the clock, check out Ellie’s First Year…
Lillian Grace remains the most laid back of the quints. Her easy-going personality is refreshing. She loves hard and let’s go easy and is ever-so forgiving.
Lily is also very loyal and the queen of routine; if we did it once a certain way, it can be assumed that it must be done that way every time. Luckily, type B Lily can be swayed as long as you have a reason.
Lily is also an animal lover. She loves Papa Ron’s Holly girl and aspires to one day live nearby so she can care for Holly while Papa is on trips. This is just one example of Lily’s consideration. She loves to help and her intuitive nature brings her to your side before you even know you need a hand.
Join us as we watch Lily over the last year…
Lily at four years…
Lily at three years…
Lily at two years…
If you really want to turn back the clock, check out Lily’s First Year…
Our transition to kindergarten has been deemed a success! The kiddos are loving their new school, their teachers and their “specials.” The first week was very exciting but we quickly realized that we needed to be cautious and careful of after school activities because our endurance for a long school day was not up to par. Day one ended with a 20-minutes sob fest laid out upon the kitchen floor. We are still trying to navigate how to sneak in a cat nap or quiet time when they arrive home to assist with the transition… this remains a work in progress.
planning breakfast, lunch and snacks. Most of this preparation happens the night before when breakfast is partially prepared, lunches and snacks are packed and clothes for the next day are laid out. Sharing the plan with the youngest members of the team is also key because it can’t remain a best kept secret if it will be successful. It’s helpful to share the plan for the next morning or day the evening before.
Bump 2 Bab[y]ies 