It’s 3:40pm. I know my kiddos are walking out of school, waiting for our license plate to be legible from the sidewalk and… it’s not. I’m still in a meeting with a client, and bowing out while they’re knee-deep in their latest food struggle isn’t an option. My mind starts to race. This is the second meeting I scheduled without margin today, one running into the next. I still need to pack the girls’ dinner before their 4-hour gymnastics practice, and every minute longer means one more car on the Beltline stretching the commute. And I know I have 5 more minutes before Lily calls asking where I am.
That’s the kind of moment I wrote Baby(ies) to Big Kids for. Not the highlight reel. The real stuff.
The juggle doesn’t start at school pickup
My quints are 13 now, so my 3:40 moments involve juggling practices and typically a call from one of them. But that racing-mind feeling? It shows up long before middle school. It starts in pregnancy, with appointments that land in the middle of the workday and a body that’s asking for more fuel and more rest than your calendar is giving it. Then the newborn season arrives, with feeds, pediatrician visits, and nights that don’t care about your 8am meeting.
Here’s what I’ve learned: parents can’t carry that juggle alone, and they shouldn’t have to. The people we surround ourselves with every day can make it heavier or lighter. Most of them want to make it lighter. They just don’t always know how.
So this one’s for both of you. The parent who’s expecting or has new baby(ies) at home, and the manager, coworker, or employer who wants to show up for their team.
What parents need from their teams
Margin between meetings
Back-to-back meetings are hard for everyone. For an expecting or new parent, they can mean no time to eat, pump, take a call from the daycare, or just breathe. Five or ten minutes between calls is a small gift that adds up fast. If you set the schedule, build the margin in on purpose and make it a standard that all meetings are 20 or 50 minutes long. Once the standard is well-known, enforce it. Not in the whistle-blowing way but rather in the same way a therapist would when your session is approaching the end. Everyone will appreciate it.
Predictable schedules
Surprise late meetings and last-minute deadlines hit differently when someone has a pickup time, a feeding schedule, or a sitter who leaves at 5. When the plan is predictable, parents can plan, too. When it has to change, a heads-up goes a long way. Life isn’t always predictable but it’s fair to expect that 80% of our day is in our control. This makes the 20% easier to handle. This looks like starting and ending meetings on time. For the individual scheduling, try to observe schedule blocks and holds. Overlapping meetings have to happen sometimes but a quick phone call to ask a person if they can book over your lunch or a clear hold avoids the hard choice.
Ask early, ask clearly
While we can’t be everything to all people (Trust me, I’ve tried), we can be honest with all people. Medical visits, personal appointments, checkups, and daycare or school pickup don’t have to move just because a project is due. It can be as simple as doing our best to keep these family commitments outside of work hours and when that’s impossible, we let our team know. No need to overshare, just a simple update to let them know the “what” and “so what” is plenty. For example, “my son has an appointment first thing in the morning so I won’t be at our 8am. I’ll be sure to let you know when I’m online and won’t let this delay what I owe you by 2pm.” Then, we’ve done our part. The second half of that equation is to deliver and that will build trust and flexibility so the team trusts that the work still gets done.
Know your options
“I need to leave at 3:15 today” may not be a permissible practice at your workplace. Check your workplace’s appointment and leave policy and talk with HR about what’s available to you, so you can plan instead of guess. This affords you the opportunity to be fully present. And it means fewer parents sitting in a meeting, counting the cars piling up on the road home.
Check in without prying
A quick “How are you doing this week? Anything I can take off your plate?” lands so much better than questions about sleep, feeding choices, or birth plans. Let the parent decide how much to share. Your job is to make the door easy to open, not to walk through it for them.
Meals and the village
In Bump to Baby(ies), I talk a lot about the 5th Trimester, and the big theme is this: let people in. Teams can be part of that village. A meal train, a gift card for groceries, or a freezer-friendly dinner dropped off on a doorstep can mean more than any card. As a dietitian, I’ll tell you that a warm, nourishing meal someone else made is one of the kindest things you can give a new family or anyone going through a trying season.
When you’re still building your village, help your future self by meal planning and prepping when you can. This may look like cooking for double one or two meals and then freezing the excess. Or, carving out two hours on a Sunday to make two or three meals that freeze easy. These meals can support you and your busy family with what they need when margin is slim.
The real stuff, in book form
If any of this hit home, my books were written for exactly these seasons. Bump to Baby(ies) walks you through pregnancy and the newborn season, including the 5th Trimester. Baby(ies) to Big Kids picks up from there, with the pickups, the practices, and the packed dinners. You can find all of my books on The Books page.
If you’ve already read one of them, would you leave an honest review on Amazon? It helps other parents find the book when they need it most. 💜
Bring this conversation to your team
If you’re a manager or employer who wants your team to get better at supporting the whole person, I’d love to talk with your group. Reach out here and let’s see what would fit.
Because the 3:40 moments are going to happen. The goal is making sure no one has to face them alone.
